Blindsided

(Left to right: Celeste, Kian, me, Justin, Thom, and Anna)

"The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind: the kind that blindsides you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday."

Make that into 6:30 am on a Monday, and you've got yourself what just happened today.

Sometimes after my 6-9 hours of sleep, I like to wake up, stretch, wash my face, and do as most people of my generation...reach for my computer and check my facebook.  This, was probably my first mistake.  If i hadn't checked when I did, I would've happily gone to school and done my lessons just like everyone else.

But no, I had to check.

As I was going through my usual gossip, I ran across something and was utterly confused.  There was a post saying, "Justin Mahoney joined the Group, "In Loving Memory of Justin Mahoney".  I thought this was confusing, so I clicked on it.  There are pictures and posts up saying, RIP, Thanks for all the good times, etc. etc.

I couldn't believe it.  Would you ever think that someone who you care about that is only 25 would be the next to go?  No.  Not ever.   I had to get ready to go to school, so I couldn't even make sure if it was a joke or not, but after crying through doing my hair, I finally got it up and hopped on the bus.  On the way to school, the tears just wouldn't stop coming.  I don't think that I've experienced that in a long while, and I checked my phone (thank god for internet on my phone) to see if I could find anything else out, but checking only seemed to make his death seem more real.

I got to school, but couldn't stop the tears still, and was sent home.

Let me tell you about Justin.   Justin was a very special person.  He was my first hard-core East coaster that I'd met, someone who lived and breathed being from Boston.  He was incredibly smart and witty, but made some dumb choices.  He had been through a lot when I met him, it was only 1 year after his brother died (who was 16 at the time), and I'm sure he was still reeling from his death, but he was trying to live his life anyway.  He was outgoing, obnoxious, and said all the wrong things most of the time, but we loved him anyway.   I had a very special relationship with him because he and I just used to talk.  In a place where partying friends were normal, actually talking to someone about the things you had been through was an anomaly, and even though he had his strong opinions, he would open up to me and listen to me, as well as tell me all the stuff he had been through.  Justin had a shell that was hard to crack, but was really just soft and gooey on the inside.  He would've fought to the end for his friends, and I am sad that he is gone.

I know that he was struggling with different vices, especially in the last year, but I thought that he had looked for treatment and was doing better.  He used to call me when I was sick and going through chemo, and I would sometimes pick up, and sometimes not.  Now I really regret not picking up more times than I did.  It was too hard for me at the time to even think about where I was when I was diagnosed, although Justin was probably calling to let me know about how things were going for him....and now I am sad that I didn't pick up when I should've.

He was a good guy.  He wasn't perfect by any means, not someone who I'd say had the best morals or treated everyone fairly, but he was human, and he was my friend, and I will miss him.

With that said, rest in peace, Justin.  You were a good guy and I loved you like a brother.  Thanks for always looking out for me, and being my buddy when I needed one, and for making me laugh. Hope you and your brother are back together, and the world will miss you.

P.S. Here's just one last, "Damnit, Justin!  WHYYYYYY" in your honor.  Key phrase to any of the crap you said :-P