Here's a treat:
It's been forever. Forever and a day, to be precise. Nice to see you again.
I figured that since I have this official platform to write and on, and a lot on my mind...it might just be I easier to use this as a way to let the world know what is going on in my life.
Sooo to catch any of you up...I quit my job at the end of August. I am not really sure why I hated it so much, to be honest. The company couldn't have been cooler, the people more friendly, and the atmosphere more energizing. I was constantly told that I would be one of the best reps in the company, constantly receiving positive feedback, and told that I would succeed in no time. Big $$$$$$$. Lots of success. What else could one ask for?
Unfortunately, I was so stressed out I didn't even want to go to work. I couldn't sleep at night. I couldn't eat solid food for two days from clenching my teeth so hard. I hated every moment I had to be at work, except for about an hour a day when I just forgot where I was.
Ahhh, the pressure of success was a killer. Too much positive is a negative. I need some reality.
Anyway, since I was so kindly walked to the door, I have enrolled into the MPH program at USF, and am now officially a grad student. Yahoo. It feels good to be back in school, I missed learning. I missed using that part of my brain, and using it again in an official way makes me feel happy.
I also got to go to San Diego over the long weekend. I subsequently invited myself to stay at friend of a friend's house (eek, so rude, but so necessary) to see one of my favorite people in the whole world, Adrienne.
Here is a picture of us enjoying Del Mar beach:
Too hot to handle
Anyway, I got to hang with one of my most genuine, wonderful and oldest friend, Adrienne, her bf, Jeremy, and Sam. Jeremy is from AZ and is pretty much one of the coolest guys ever (read: lots and lots of moments shared in our cementing process), and Sam is one of the funniest people I know (read: he's a comedian, but, 4 real). All in all, it was a hilarious weekend filled with lots of laughs, lots of sunshine, and a much needed mental vacation from my ruminating brain. Always necessary.
I had a great 21 hours in the car to myself, some of that with radio service, much of it without. Lots of top 40s hits, and even more soft rock. Needless to say, I was (could be) ready to not be in a car ever again.
Anyway, since I've gotten back it's been very low key. The job market seems to have slowed somehow in the past two weeks, and I am feeling very ready to just get up and go back to Austria, although that's just not going to happen. I am bummed I am not going back, but also happy to not have to move again.
It just seems like it's the right time to be back right now...my brother is getting married, my grandma has been dealing with a very serious diagnosis, and in general, sometimes life just requires you to be home. Sometimes life requires you to actually face your problems than just half deal with them because you have the luxury of being halfway around the world, and halfway interested.
The question of emotional abuse has also come up recently. And because this is MY blog I can write about whatever I damn well please, so if you don't want to see me ranting, stop here.
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It seems a certain blood relative of mine thinks that she is Ms. High and Mighty and can just trample upon her poor mother and get away with it. Good luck with that one, nameless girl. Not exactly a high point writing about her exploits on here, but I will say, enough is enough, and nothing can be lower than how you treat people that you supposedly "love". The world does not revolve around your teen angst and self-hatred, honeybee, and things you say and how you act do have an effect on other people. I'm not sure how much longer it will go on that you will get any sort of emotional support to continue on your tirades through the world of emotional instability, breathing fire on all the bridges of support that have been built. Burn, baby, burn. You treat others with no respect, you will eventually get no respect in return. You don't deserve it. You think that you are lost in your own little world, and that everyone else is against you...unfortunately, you built the walls that confine you, and while you blame the rest of the world for your "misfortune", I guess I can only feel sorry for you that you lack the insight to see that you have done it to yourself. Learn some humility, and take responsibility for your actions. No self-respecting person in the future is going to put up with your bullshit, so swallow this jagged little pill now, manipulation is not going to be the answer to anything. You continue to act this way, and you WILL be alone, and have a real reason to cry, and guess what! At that point, you'll be getting what you've been giving, which is a whole lot of nothing.
In conclusion, get a therapist, girl, cuz you need some HELP.
Rant ended.
I feel better now, thx.
ANYWAY, hope the rest of you have an absolutely fabulous weekend. I'm looking forward to seeing some of my good friends and getting out of Fog-land, i.e., Pacifica.
Catch y'all on the flip side...
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