Culture S(c)hocking

I am home, alive and breathing!  The flight back to the U.S. this year was far less memorable than many others (for positive reasons mind you, not negative) and I am simply just trying to process my life now that I am home.

I am not feeling particularly pulled in any which way, nothing really exciting, nothing really terrifying, just....flat.  Nothing.  I don't really know what the deal is, maybe it's the calm before the storm, maybe it is just the fact that I don't realize that I am home yet, or maybe I was actually ready to come home this time around and things feel right for once.  I don't know.

All I know is that I really am going to miss Minnesota.  I have really enjoyed spending time with my family, and that is invaluable.  My relationship with my Dad is much much much better than it used to be, and I miss him a lot because I don't get to spend a lot of time with him.

I drove into Minneapolis last night to meet up with Ana to see fireworks, and as I was driving I realized how much I really do love this place.  I could see myself moving back one day in the future, and yet it just makes me sad to leave such a wonderful, relaxed and accepting area.  Minnesota has its fair share of hicks and snoots, and yet the core of kind midwestern love is always there.  I feel at home here, and it would be just too easy to stay, much easier than what I am now doing...but I guess I am young, I do want to try to live out of my comfort zone again (I think Salzburg was an easier transition that San Francisco will be), and really push myself to like something and find a career.

It just tears at my heart strings to have to leave.  I have always had to choose between places, parents, people...and this move is much harder than it was for me to leave Salzburg actually.  I love my family so much it hurts, and it just kills me that I am going to be thousands of miles away instead of just a half hour away.  That's why it was easy to live in Austria, because everyone was thousands of miles away.  I didn't have to choose.

I guess that's the way it works sometimes though.  We have decisions to make, terrible, awful, heartwrenching decisions, and someone gets hurt.

Also, my dog Dakota is dying.  I'm just glad he stayed alive until I got home so that I can say goodbye.  If you know me, you know how much I love my pups and how they are such a huge part of me.  Just another goodbye on my list...thank god I have learned this year that death is very much a part of life.  At least this time I get to say goodbye.

I am off now to go check on my car repairs before I head out on my 4 day roadtrip with Momma Kia.  We have many podcasts to get through, breakdowns, and breakthroughs to have...

All my love