I miss Salzburg

I miss Salzburg, I miss the people that were there, and I miss my life there.  I miss who I was there.

I don't miss everything, but I miss a lot of things.  Maybe that is just because at this point in time I'm feeling like I am just perpetually unhappy, the grass always seems greener on the other side.  But I guess if you were to get into a discussion on the "greenness" of Austria vs. California they would actually win...

Besides the point.

It's hard to deal with moving back with my parents, being treated like a child again after teaching children all year.  It is hard to be in isolation again, not for lack of friends or people to contact, just a lack of money to really do things and living so far away from anyone and everyone.  It's not just like I'm going to hop on the #4 and go see Keri and get there in 20.  No no, I will have to drive 35 minutes through heavy traffic to get downtown to have to fight someone for a spot to park.  No more lovely trains, public transit (for a while anyway) or biking to get anywhere.  Too impractical.

I guess it's just going to be the shock of being here for a while...the culture shock, the life shock.

It was like I went through amnesia and forgot that I have lived here for approx. 21 years of my life.  How do you forget that?  Is it because I was more happy than I'd ever been in my entire life before?  Is it because I finally had room to grow, a purpose and lived in a beautiful place?  Probably.  Probably all of those things.

I took care of myself, I had things to do, people to see, places to go...I didn't have that much money but it was okay, I had enough.  I had enough to do the things I enjoyed, and spend time with the people I loved.

It did have it's low points, loneliness, frustration with language and cultural understanding, but for the most part, it was a very very positive experience.

I got to go skiing, travelling, beer drinking, wine tasting, coffee probiering, hiking, biking, and relaxing.  It was beautiful.  I ate healthfully, moved my body, moved my spirit. Met great people, made some wonderful friends, and now I've just let it all go...

I guess that's what it is though.  Time to let go.  Uggggh, letting go is just so damn hard.