I feel sad. Really sad most of the time. Not in a way that I don't appreciate what I have (because I do) or understand that I'm an over-privileged person already (because I know I am), I just feel disconnected from everything and everyone and don't know what to do anymore and sometimes I just want to give up and crawl into a hole and then sleep until springtime comes.
S.A.D. isn't supposed to happen in California but I guess it still does. Now I just wish there was snow and someone who was around to snuggle with and tell me that it was going to be okay, and that would actually want to spend time with me that wasn't my mom or my dog. I am tired of being alone and am too damn proud not to be.
Building our own roadblocks is stupid, and yet I keep on doing this over and over and over again. The worst part is that I know that I'm doing this to myself and could be WAY more proactive about many a thing in my life and yet I just feel too tired to even keep up.
I keep on expecting change or to be inspired by something and yet I'm underwhelmed even by my own efforts this time.
No one else is going to make you change, no one. Sometimes not even yourself.
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