So. World. Family. Friends. Loved ones. Randoms who I don't know.
Tomorrow is my birthday.
My 23 birthday.
Who knew I could get so old so fast? This past year seems to have just raced by...so many moments that I could bring up, so many unsure times, lots of ups, lots of downs, lots of challenges, and lots of laughter. Isn't that how it's supposed to be?
I know that last year I was thrilled beyond belief to be making it to my 22nd birthday. You don't really realize how awesome birthdays are until you are reminded of the fact that you might never have one again. Not to be cliche, it's just truth. I was so proud of myself to have made it...to have made it through a diagnosis, surgery and treatment that quite literally almost killed me. I was proud that I was still somehow mentally stable, and that I had pulled through.
Gettin our hoagie action on 1 year ago. Man, remember when I was like...bald? Me neither. My boys who kept me grounded and still up for the party even there was no party left in me.
Ladies who were my absolute rocks during 2nd semester.
Birthdays remind me of the fact that we all struggle. We all face our fair share of difficulties and challenges, yes, some may be perceived to be more of an effort than others, but that doesn't mean that we don't all face the trials of every day life because we do.
Birthdays also remind me though that life is worth struggling for. It's worth those gems that you find who bring you closer to something greater because those relationships are a reminder that we are all part of a giant whole, that there is something special about being alive, and for a brief moment you were taken out of the harsh realities of life to experience happiness.
I hadn't ever really felt truly happy or fully and unconditionally loved until last year. This wasn't anything terribly romantic, but something that was just raw, powerful, and enough to fill you up for days but always leaving you wanting more (wow, I should be writing romance books, right?).
My parents, as imperfect as they are (let's be honest, no one gets a book to do parenting, but mine have done pretty darn well considering), were there for me every waking second while I was ill. It was a journey on my own, that's for sure, but they helped along the way. Things have definitely not been perfect. Growing up was a struggle. Having parents who somehow used to love each other openly renouncing their feelings is terrible to experience as a kid, and you don't understand because why would you? Those kinds of complexities don't exist to you then. Nevertheless things were said and done to deepen the trench of negative feelings on both sides, and even though you realize that these things were never supposed to be directed at you as a kid, somehow you soak them up. At least...I did. I was an absolute sponge.
Fortunately or unfortunately though, I cannot blame all of my life's problems on my parents. They are human, they make mistakes (and will continue to do so), but they are also capable of great things. I could not imagine how much either one of them loved me until I was sick. Probably because I never had to before, even though their hearts were always there. That kind of compassion was always in them, I was just blinded to it. I am truly thankful to have both of them be in my life though. Without them, I wouldn't be me, I wouldn't be able to be where I am and doing what I am doing without them. Both of them though helped me to start healing, and those old wounds plus some new ones have started to heal after I let them in to help me.
It is easy to blame your parents for your unhappiness. To treat them poorly because you cannot figure out how they couldn't make it work and why you have to deal with the repercussions; to treat them as if they don't know anything because for some reason you know it all (even though 99% of the time they are right); to treat them like crap because they are the people that know you best, and know will take you back into their homes and open arms willingly and without anger because they've learned that this is what you do when you love someone. But this shouldn't be the case, and I am glad that I was lucky enough to put an effort in to maintain a positive relationship with both of my parentals, even though there were ups and downs (13 was a tough year). We worked through them together. Most of the problems were because I wasn't listening, not because it was the other way around (imagine that! Me? Stubborn?? Never.) I have to say though, when the time came, they came through. They came through with flying colors, and it shouldn't have taken me getting sick to see that they cared. That was my fault.
In any case, after that random tangent, I am very thankful for the family that I have. My parents and siblings part of the quotient, and my friends the other. I am thankful to have the coolest, funniest and smartest brother in the whole world, even if he is funnier than I am. Sometimes. I am so blessed that he has a fiancé that puts up with me and cooks me goodies, and deals with the Witte quirks that are magnified when a certain trio is reunited. Step-sisters who keep me laughing and thoughtful every time I am with them. Two step-parents who worry about me as if I were there own. Friends who have taken me in to their lives and taught me about people, places, and music.
I found out today that a very good family friend who had been diagnosed with Leukemia about 2 months ago is officially in remission, and after knowing all too well how joyous that day is, it is about the best birthday gift I could ask for. Knowing that loved ones are okay even in the uncertainty that we are constantly thrown into IS something to be grateful for.
So in any case, to those of you reading....I am pretty happy right now. Pretty darn grateful to be alive. Thrilled to be in Salzburg. In absolute awe of friends, family and puppies. Cannot forget the puppies.
So thankful to make it to another birthday.
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