Why HELLO followers of my life. It's only been a little while since I've written, but it almost feels like ages since last week! So much has happened, and yet it feels like so little, so here's a recap:
Got paid. Money in da BANK! Money has been helping to facilitate my ability to afford things, but things never buy you happiness so that's something to keep in mind. I did get a chance though to go out and get a few new things in the past week, and am very happy to start replenishing my dwindling wardrobe! I feel like I have been doing laundry EVERY day since I've gotten back from Prague/Budapest (remember the bag getting stolen and forgotten on the train? Me too), so my room is always full of moisture, drying clothes, and a full rack in the middle of my room. Hey, at least I have clean things to wear!
Anyway, I also got to go out and see the Christkindlmarkt on Thursday! It is an absolutely magical experience, to say the least, and being surrounded by christmas lights, glühwein, x-mas ornaments...well, it not only reminds me that I live in one of the most beautiful places in the world, but it also makes me miss home a bit too. I met up with a colleague of mine, Sonja, who is absolutely wonderful and has really made me feel at home in Salzburg. She brought along her friend Nici and husband, Fritzy (could you GET any more Austrian?!?), who were wonderful additions and kept me laughing all night long. I love that I am able to talk to all of them, and enjoy their dialect, as well as student stories and stories together! It makes me feel much more part of living here, instead of constantly being a guest. We enjoyed each other's company for a while before Emily and Keri showed up, and then toured around a bit longer before meeting up with a few of the brits and grabbing some hot dogs and french fries at a local stand :)
Friday I left for Germany to see my favorite Konstanz Alum, Steffi :-D My train was unfortunately 2 hours verspätet (delayed) due to a Selbstmord (suicide), so I was stuck sitting in the Salzburg trainstation for almost 3 hours. Luckily, Keri was sweet enough to come keep me company for a while before I grabbed the train to Munich and switched there to go to Stuttgart. The train ride through southern Bayern is one of the most beautiful things that I have ever seen, and am so lucky to have lush green and mountains around me! The train ride from Munich to Stuttgart was unfortunately, not so lovely, since it was a Friday night at 6 pm (aka RUSH HOUR) and we were packed in like cattle in the car in between cars aka next to the bathroom. Not only did I have to stand all the way to Augsburg (45 minutes), but was smooshed into a corner next to the automatic door with a young couple next to me. This couple was not only basically on top of me, but on top of each other and apparently REALLY REALLY in love. This is when I realize that I am stuck in my Minnesota ways, because I literally cringe at the thought of PDA...and said couple was not actually a couple, but a single person. The 45 minutes crawled by as I witnessed her hands in his back pockets, his in hers, her hands on his hips, his hands on hers, makeout makeout makeout, quick breath for air, and go back to baby talking, and more awkward standing cuddling as the train jerked back and forth. I cannot tell you how happy I was to get away from the love doves, just because I had NO where else to look and could not tell them to keep the 12" Ruler Rule in mind...it was like peering into someone else's house because someone forced you to wear binoculars and tied you to a chair. Terrifying.
In any case, I made it back to my own seat and to Steffi's by 9 pm, and she was kind enough to take care of me all weekend. After sharing a bottle of wine and enjoying a terrible romantic comedy, we both passed out. The next day after having breakfast, we took the train into Stuttgart and did some shopping, listened to a street band and checked out the Stuttgart Weihnachtsmarkt (same as the Christkindlmarkt, just with a different name), listened to some Billie Holliday and enjoyed our Glühwein! Glühwein is a gift to man, and I cannot tell you how happy I am to be able to enjoy it in large quantities!
In any case, we went to check out Harry Potter after dropping a few €s, and then went back for an early night. I ended up heading home the next day around noon, and made it back to Salzburg after a few more Verspätungen with the Deutsche Bahn (german rail). Uuuugh, my life seems to be in a permanent Verspätung!
After getting back, I wasn't quite sure how I felt. Germany feels like home, I understand how it works, I understand how they talk, and what they mean. It was like seeing an old boyfriend again, you understood why you dated him, you know his habits, you know how he functions. While it's lovely to know and understand how one works, there is still something exciting about being with someone new. Baden-Württemberg, my ex., meet me current love interest, Salzburg. I thought that I would be ready to stay in Germany after going back for a visit, and I realize I'm not meant to be there right now. It was AWESOME to see Steffi, but it was also great to come home...to come home and see friends, to come home and have it feel like HOME for a quick second.
While it is great to be home, I also found out some terrible news. Rich DuRocher, my dean last year, passed away from cancer. I did not know Rich terribly well, never had him as a teacher, and really only met with him a few times, and yet I feel so connected with his fate. Rich was in charge of the senior class, and was the first person that was called after my surgery and diagnosis last year. He took all the measures he could to take care of me when I got back from treatment last year, and was a wonderful listening ear, and I found out three months after my statement of remission that he was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. It is hard to put into words how hard it is to hear that someone else must go through what you've been through...another member added to the club. It is the only club that you wish your membership could be revoked. You realize how lonely, heartbreaking and difficult the road is to recovery, the terrible physical pain and aches do not even compare to the emotional toll that chemo takes on you. The weakness that your body feels is overwhelming, but the weakness that your soul experiences after fighting fighting fighting, fighting to make it through today, fighting to make it to the next appointment, fighting to get up and out of bed every day, fighting to make it seem like you are happy being bald and ill looking. That is overwhelming. It sounds so overly dramatic, and yet if you have never had to do such a thing, to fight something so much bigger than you, live on borrowed time, it's hard to realize what it feels like.
In any case, I guess I just have a bit of survivors guilt. It's impossible to make any sense of why he should die while any of the rest of us live, why his case was any different than mine. He was nothing but wonderful, a real gem of a guy, and I had hoped that since I hadn't heard anything since graduation that he would recover. Unfortunately, I guess this week's lesson has been all about lack of control and ambiguity, and learning to accept what is. I have no control over if the train comes early or late, if I am alive today and dead tomorrow, if the sun shines or if the rain comes. I do have control over who I surround myself with, how I see the world, and how I accept the news. The world works in mysterious ways, and it really is a blessing to be able to be around now, and as I think about the upcoming holidays, how truly blessed I am to be surrounded with love and support, and hope that I can offer the same.
Sending out lots of hugs and love to you, and happy Glühwein feelings :) Hope that the snow comes soon so I can post some pictures, and wishing you all a great Thanksgiving week!
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