Zufrieden

Hi there.

I have nothing terribly new to report to you, no juicy gossip, no exciting stories, just want you to know that I'm learning how to be content.  Content with my life, content with my job, content with my surroundings.  

How many of you have ever heard me say this before, EVER??  It is quite rare, isn't it?  

I know that the restlessness will come back, I'll get bored with what I'm doing, with who I am, with where I am working...but for now, I am just appreciating this sort of calm.  Hopefully not a calm before a storm, oh no, I am just saying and kind of internal calm that I haven't ever really felt before, more of a trust in myself that has come on occasion with enough mustering of courage.  I feel like I have more of a base than I ever have before, but maybe that I need to push myself harder.  If I am feeling comfortable, does that mean I am not trying hard enough?  Does that mean that I am letting myself slip into mediocrity?    I cannot say yes or not, I cannot say that I have been trying terribly hard to meet other people, but also cannot say that I am unhappy doing so.  I cannot say that I haven't been trying to put myself out there to learn more German, but I also don't-not speak German at work, talk with my co-workers, etc. etc.

I dunno, maybe I just need to stop questioning EVERY single thing all the time.  I have been trying to get zen with myself, to not be so angry when things don't go right as I expect, to know that others are going through difficulties just as I am, that I am part of a greater plan.

The other part of me is waiting...waiting because I know something is going to change.  I can feel it.  I can feel that there is not only something in me that is currently changing, but I can feel that something else is going to change in my life, and I'm not quite sure what.  Last week I could NOT get enough sleep, not because I was depressed by any means, I was just NEEDING to sleep almost 10 hours a night.  Now (well since Sunday) I haven't had a pure night's sleep and I am not TIRED.  It is like I am on a permanent wired status...

Meh, I am just appreciating the extra energy.  Maybe it was about time?  Maybe I am just TOO excited to fly home for x-mas?  I think so :-D

Hope you are having a more exciting week than I am, and lots of love and hugs to everyone!