Groundhog Day

Welcome to my least favorite month out of the year....February.  Although I did hear that the groundhog did not see its shadow today, which hopefully means that spring will truly come early, and boy, I would have no complaints for that.  

So why is February my least favorite month?  Let me list the ways:

- February always seems to be the coldest month of the year.  I know that January is technically the coldest of all months, but February seems to have the accumulated cold...so all that happened in November, December, January all come to a final cold front and come together for the final push to dry out your skin/hair/nails, deplete you of Vitamin D, and make you too depressed to get out of bed for a full 28-29 days.  

- Holidays in February: Valentines Day.  The day where if you don't have a loved one to shell out ridiculous amounts of cash for cards that have no meaning, chocolates that you are going to eat by yourself,  and dinners that will make you bloated and acidic for days...you really feel left out.  It reminds you of the fact that currently you are unattractive enough to be with someone (whether this be in the physical or emotional sense), but luckily this year instead of sitting at home alone in your kitchen eating chocolates and heart shaped antacid pills (the pink ones that say "i luv u" always taste like peptobismol), you will indeed be spending it with your Father.  Hey, at least he'll pay for the drinks. 

-The general lack of apathy towards your appearance seems to be all to common.  Not only do you "forget" to shower for 3 full days, but the laundry goes unwashed (along with your hair), your legs go unshaved, and your makeup begins to cake on your face like you were practicing to prepare for a role as a heroine addict in an upcoming film/show.  You will never star in this show unfortunately...you missed too many rehearsals watching online television.  Great.

I've been having problems at work recently....and frankly, I just don't even want to care anymore.  I've been through too much in the past year and a half to even give assholes the time of day because life is just too. fucking. short.  Unfortunately, when you have to go back to work with these people on a regular basis, so my sharp tongue might need some damage control tomorrow.  UUUUGGGHHH.  Not thinking about it.  I don't want to have any bad relationships, I really don't.  I also don't want to be walked on.  

Break is coming up in 2 weeks...and it couldn't come any sooner.  I want to see my Dad, I want to be somewhere else, I want to be away from school, teachers, kids, Salzburg...I want to get out of this shit-hole mindset I am currently in, I want to escape myself for a moment.  

People forget that despite the fact that I try to remain humorous and light on the outside most of the time, some days it gets exhausting.  Some days I just want to not talk to anyone, cry and feel bad for myself.  Sometimes I do get sick of the fact that I am always the crazy one.  The one who is single.  I too want to find someone at some point.  Someone who will listen to my problems, and I will listen to theirs (besides my Mom, although I love my mom dearly).  To have a warm body in the bed, to have someone else to cook for, spend time with, do things with....

So.  While February is great for introspection, it's a killer for loneliness.  I appreciate the tough days simply because I know there must be something good in the future...and yet I get so tired of waiting for something to happen.  ANGST.  

It's okay, February means that it's only 6 1/2 weeks till my birthday.  Making it to another birthday is huge, take that nature.  

Sending out thoughts of new beginnings, flowers, and blooming things.  Let's get this whole springtime started